After spending three weeks back in the grand old “Land of the Bland” I figure you all deserve a little insight to the homeland. The great Northern MidWest.
So here you are, my observations. Enjoy.
If you do not play Hockey there might be something wrong with you. Seriously wrong with you.
You are allowed to cheer for the Vikings, Bears, or the Packers. But you will be a passionate super fan, it is all or nothing. No fair weather fans. This includes owning anything and everything with your favorite team on it… clothing, vanity plates, furniture, christmas lights, lawn ornaments, speciality foods, and so on. Oh and it is encouraged to ridicule and tease ( any time any place) anyone who supports another team.
You: ”Did you hear about the tornado in the twin cities?”
Them: ”No what?”
You: ”Yeah everyone sought shelter in the Vikings’ end zone! There hasn’t been a touch down there in years!”
You: “Did you hear Chicago just became the murder capital of the US!?”
Them: “No way!?!!?”
You: ”Yeah! The Bears get slaughtered there every week!”
Bad. I know.
They just love to idle their cars. Its not even that cold out!
Function comes before fashion. Always. You are going to earn more compliments on your carhartt jacket. Thank goodness for fleece lined jeans and bogs (yes those insulated waterproof boots that come in pretty colors).
You bring your ‘food list’ to the ‘food store’. duh.
Your brother gets a rifle for Christmas. He is the last one in the family to own a rifle.
Ice fishing (or occasionally spearing). But not out in the cold of course. No no you fish from the comfort of your ice fishing shack. Some complete with carpeting and couches. Decked out with christmas lights and lawn chairs. Tis the season.
Midwest skiers are not ashamed of their poor spandex choices. Man are there some bold skiers! Oh and let me tell you, they still snowplow with the best of them! Great form.
Trucks. And if you drive one normal parking rules just do not apply to you.
Oh and shorts over your spandex? Really!? Just wear pants if you aren’t bold enough to wear your spanx proudly. You bring bad memories of awkward high school male cross country runners.
Saying the G’s at the ends of words is completely optional. It’s all huntin and fishin. It’s all the same.
But seriously…. I love all of it. Sometimes it makes me laugh. Sometimes I can’t help but roll my eyes, just a little. But its been home for so long, and has a very special place in my heart.
And its true. We are just the gosh darn nicest people you’ll ever meet!
Happy New Year!!!